Saturday, December 9, 2017


Now we come to Attack of the Clones this is the movie that a lot of people hate the most. The prequels are hated by a lot of the fanbase and as you fond out in my Phantom Menace review I am one of the very few who enjoy them. I just finished the movie and honestly, I enjoyed it more than I did the last time I watched it. There are definitely flaws in this movie and I will get to those, but I enjoyed myself almost the entire time. This review will contain spoilers!    Attack of the Clones follows the story of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. This is set 10 years after the events of Phantom Menace. Anakin is now Obi-Wan's padawan and Anakin is a very skilled Jedi, but he thinks he is better than everyone says he is. This leads to him having a lot of anger issues. Padme Amidala is now the senator from Naboo and she is being hunted by an assassin. There are multiple attempts to take her life so Obi-Wan and the Council put Anakin in charge of protecting her which leads to them developing a romance. In the meantime, Obi-Wan is off tracking down the bounty hunter responsible for the attempts on her life.    When they are tracking down the bounty hunter we get one of my favorite scenes of this entire movie and that is the speeder chase on Coruscant. I loved watching this again. I remembered enjoying it when I was younger, but I never really got much out of it. When I watched it this time I was entrenched. It was very exciting and there is a funny scene when they are in a bar and Obi-Wan does a Jedi mind trick on someone that is trying to sell him death sticks. Obi-Wan and Anakin end up cornering the bounty hunter and just as they are about to get the name of the guy responsible for these attacks she is shot with a poisonous dart and it kills her.    After that Obi-Wan travels to the planet Kamino, however, the planet has been erased from the Jedi archives. So first Obi-Wan goes to Yoda to try to figure out why he finds out that someone has deleted it from the archives.  While Obi-Wan is off on his mission you have Anakin and Padme going back to Naboo and the two begin to form somewhat of a bond. This is where a lot of people complain and this is where I complain because the one big negative about this movie is the dialogue. George Lucas just cannot direct actors. He does not care about how his actors do he just cares about them performing the scene in as few takes as possible. The romance is not handled well at all. I don't hate Hayden Christensen as Anakin In other scenes I think he is decent, but during any of the romance scenes, he is fucking creepy. In a few of these scenes, he will stare at Padme and she even says at one point that it makes her uncomfortable. Also, he would say wired shit like this is exactly how I remember you in my dreams. There is a scene with Anakin and Padme sitting in front of the fire and Anakin is basically begging Padme to love him. Every time I see this I almost throw up. That is the only moment during this movie where I want to turn the movie off. I do enjoy the majority of the film, but some of the stuff between them is awful.    Back in the not awful part of the movie we have Obi-Wan going to the planet Kamino where he is greeted by these wired creatures with long necks and he finds out that over the past 10 years a former Jedi Master requested the creation of a clone army. We see a really cool scene where we see them being cloned and we find out that the cloner was the Bounty Hunter Jango Fett. This is the guy that Obi-Wan has been chasing. We find out that he is indeed the one putting out the hits on Padme because he was hired by the Trade Federation. There is a tense scene between Obi-Wan and Jango both clearly know who the other is Jango and his son Boba end up leaving. I love Jango Fett I think he is one of the most underrated characters in the entire series. This leads to one of the best fight scenes in the movie. The fight between Obi-Wan and Jango first off the music in this scene is awesome. This fight is ten times more entertaining than the lightsaber fight at the end of this movie and that is sad. Obi-Wan puts a tracker on Jango's ship and follows him to the planet Geonosis. We get what is essentially a homage to Empire Strikes Back where they go through an asteroid field and they have a little space battle. It's nothing on Empire's asteroid field scene, but I liked it I thought it was suspenseful.    From here you have Anakin and Padme going from Naboo to Tatooine because Anakin keeps having these strange nightmares about his mother. We get to see some characters from The Phantom Menace we see Watto again. We find out that Shmi Skywalker has married into the Lars family from the Original Trilogy. The Lars family tell Anakin that his mother was abducted by Tusken Raiders and she's been gone for a month. Then Anakin goes out to look for his mother and this is one of the strongest moments for his character he's just filled with anger. He finds his mother in a campsite, but it's essentially too late she's been tortured almost to death. She sees her son she says how much he's grown says I love you and she dies in Anakin's arms. This is where I think Hayden Christensen is very effective he is very good when it comes to facial expressions. He looks like he's about to kill everyone and that's what he does. Unfortunately, that leads to one of the worst acted scenes in this entire movie where you have Anakin acting like a little bitch and telling Padme how Obi-Wan is holding him back from being the most powerful Jedi ever. It's full of awful dialogue and the fact that he sounds wooden as shit doesn't help.  I don't think Natalie Portman is terrible as Padme like everyone else does. I enjoy her character, but she doesn't help this scene either. We do see a bit of foreshadowing for Revenge of the Sith when Anakin says he wants to prevent people from dying and if you've seen Revenge of the Sith you know what happens with that.    Obi-Wan tracks Jango to Geonosis and he discovers that Count Dooku was the one responsible for all of this. He was a Jedi Master that turned to the dark side. Obi-Wan is imprisoned Dooku tries to convince Obi-Wan to join him. Obi-Wan says that he will never join him and Dooku just leaves him in prison. Christopher Lee as Count Dooku was a character I did not care for when I was younger compared to Darth Maul, Darth Vader and the Emperor. I still think he is the weakest villain in the whole series, but Christopher Lee does a great job in the role.    Anakin and Padme lean that Obi-Wan has been kidnapped and they are told to stay where they are, but Padme decides that they are going to go save Obi-Wan. They head to Geonosis and we get another scene that I really like and that is the scene inside of the battle droid factory. I forgot how awesome this scene is. I think R2-D2 is one of the best parts of this scene we see him fly around while C-3po is getting the shit kicked out off him at one point C-3po gets his head chopped off and replaced by a head of a battle droid. Anakin fucks up his lightsaber so that leads to him having a green one for the rest of the movie. It's probably just put in because they wanted to sell a toy of Anakin with a green lightsaber. Eventually, Anakin and Padme get captured they are sentenced to be killed in a gladiator fight inside the arena against three beasts. Before this Anakin and Padme declare their love for each other in a scene that makes me want to throw up.    While this is all going on back on Coruscant you have Jar Jar Binks filling in for Padme and this fucking cartoon rabbit is essentially responsible for giving Palpatine emergency powers which allows him to create the clone army and allow them to fight for the Republic. Looking back on it Jar Jar is responsible for The Emperor taking over the galaxy what a useless character. Thankfully he is not in this movie that much so it's not painful like it was in Phantom Menace, but still, any Jar Jar is bad.  Then we get to the fight in the arena where Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Padme have to fight three beasts. They succeed, but then Dooku sends in some droids and that is when Mace Windu shows up with a bunch of other Jedi. So there is this big battle with all the Jedi and the droids. Honestly, I was interested in some parts of this I liked Mace and Jango Fett fighting. I liked Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Padme, but I was bored by the rest of the stuff that was going on with the clones and the droids.    Now we're reaching the end of the movie and it gets a little anti-climactic this final lightsaber fight except for the last part of it is pretty bad. Obi-Wan and Anakin follow Dooku and once they find him they have the worst lightsaber fight of the entire series and I'm not talking about what happens later this is just the stuff with Obi-Wan and Anakin VS Dooku. Immediately Anakin charges in and Dooku uses force lightning to make Anakin fall back. Then Obi-Wan goes in he gets bested really quickly which is wired because he killed Darth Maul in the last one. Then Obi-Wan throws Anakin his lightsaber so Anakin can fight with two for a little or so they can sell more Anakin toys. Eventually, we get Anakin and Dooku in the dark and it's just them swinging their lightsabers. Then anti-climatically Dooku cuts off Anakin's arm. Then Yoda comes out and Yoda starts doing some stuff with the force. Then we get to see Yoda use a lightsaber we've never seen this before. He ignites it and starts going insane on Dooku and this is incredible and is the best part of this entire movie. Dooku does escape and it doesn't last that long, but what we got was really good. Then the movie wraps up Obi-Wan and Yoda are talking Yoda tells him that they did not have a victory and that the Clone War has only begun. Anakin and Padme secretly marry on Naboo.    Now I can get into some more specifics that I did not already discuss well I mentioned that the dialogue is not good I will say I do enjoy the story of Attack of the clones. Ewan McGregor once again knocks it out of the park as Obi-Wan Kenobi. I'm going to say something controversial I like Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan more than Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan. I just think Ewan McGregor gives a better performance and that's the one I've had ingrained in my mind for most of my childhood. Yoda is great. Count Dooku like I mentioned before I think he is the weakest villain in the whole series, but he didn't ruin the movie. Padme is fine when she is not in creepy romance scenes with Anakin. Palpatine is great again even though we barely see him in this movie. I didn't have a problem with the CGI in this movie. I think it holds up a lot more than in Phantom Menace. The fact that there was less Jar Jar then there was in Phantom Menace is a great positive because fuck Jar Jar Binks. Like I mentioned Jango Fett is a very underrated character he was a great villain. The score in this movie is just great John Williams is a genius and every time he makes a Star Wars score it's fantastic.    Let's get into the negatives and the first and biggest problem is the dialogue it is horrible especially during the romance scenes. A lot of it came off as creepy and weird and forced. I don't hate Hayden Christensen as much as everybody else, but there are a lot of times where you feel like maybe they should have cast someone else. It doesn't feel like he is going to turn to the dark side it feels like he's a whiny son of a bitch.    Overall despite a lot of people hating this one I still really enjoyed it. I can't hate the prequels guys I'm going to give Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones 4 out of 5 stars.

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