Sunday, August 27, 2017


The Hitman's Bodyguard is directed by Patrick Hughes and stars Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Gary Oldman, Salma Hayek, Elodie Yung, Joaquim de Almeida, Kristy Mitchell, and Richard E. Grant. The plot of the movie is the world's top bodyguard gets a new client, a hit man who must testify at the International Court of Justice. They must put their differences aside and work together to make it to the trial on time.    I went into this movie just wanting to have fun with what looked like a dumb action movie and there is fun to be had, but overall I was disappointed. When the film sticks to Samuel L. Jackson and Ryan Reynolds it works. There is a lot of great banter between the two of them.  They are pretty much just playing themselves there is not much to them, but if you like them you will enjoy the scenes they have together.  Salma Hayek plays the incarcerated wife of Jackson's character. She says she's innocent, but when you learn of her past it's clear she belongs in prison. She was very funny she doesn't have that much screen time, but there is some great stuff with her. The action scenes are well filmed.    My problems with the film are that it does drag a lot and it goes on for far too long. Also, Gary Oldman seems like he is in a completely different movie which is due to some pretty bad writing.  2 out of 5 stars for The Hitman's Bodyguard. I hope you enjoyed my review.

Saturday, August 26, 2017


The Glass Castle is directed by Destin Daniel Cretton and stars Brie Larson, Woody Harrelson, Max Greenfield, Sarah Snook, and Naomi Watts. The plot of the movie is a young girl comes of age in a dysfunctional family of nonconformist nomads with a mother who's an eccentric artist and an alcoholic father who would stir the children's imagination with hope as a distraction to their poverty.    This movie is based on the true memoir by Jeanette Walls and in this film, we start out in 1989 with adult Jeanette played by Brie Larson and it flashes back and forth from the past to the present.  There is a lot of drama and emotion in the film, but it feels like they just focus on specific events. Her father's alcoholism was the biggest thing that hung over the family so the film focuses on that a lot. So the character Rex played by Woody Harrelson has the most development. Naomi Watts plays the mother she is a painter. She's perfectly fine watching her kids eat nothing but butter and sugar mixed together. The film shows all of the horrible aspects of Jeanette's childhood. Every once in a while it will show what we're supposed to believe is good.  The father will do things like look up to the stars and say which one do you want for Christmas and the kids are blinded and think that is really amazing.    The issue I have is that in the moments when it's supposed to be sad the musical score is trying to tell us that it's a happy moment. That's not how we're supposed to feel watching these horrible situations. This movie should have been really dark, but instead seems like a sappy Hallmark drama were we get uplifted by really heartwarming moments.  Brie Larson and Woody Harrelson do a good job in their roles and the kids are good as well. I didn't feel there was that much to Naomi Watts's character and her performance is very forgettable.  This movie is far too long I checked my watch a few times.  I didn't hate this movie it is an interesting story, most of the performances are good and sometimes the drama worked.  3 out of 5 stars for The Glass Castle. I hope you enjoyed my review.

Monday, August 21, 2017


The Dark Tower is directed by Nikoiaj Arcel and stars Idris Elba, Matthew McConaughey, Tom Taylor, Cludia Kim, Fran Kranz, Abbey Lee, and Jackie Earle Haley. The plot of the movie is the last Gunslinger, Roland Deschain has been locked in an eternal battle with Walter O'Dim, also known as the Man in Black, determined to prevent him from toppling the Dark Tower, which holds the universe together. With the fate of the worlds at stake, good and evil will collide in the ultimate battle as only Roland can defend the Tower from the Man in Black.    This movie is based on a series of books by Stephen King and this movie isn't just one of the books it is several. I have never read the books, but still, I thought it was an odd choice to put several of the books into one film. There are still some enjoyable parts. Idris Elba is great as Roland. One of the standouts was the young kid played by Tom Taylor he has some emotional scenes, but he also has a lot of humor and I thought he pulled both of those off very well. There's a lot of fish out of water stuff when he first arrives in this new world and meets The Gunslinger and later on in the film Roland comes to our version of earth and has to adapt.    The action sequences are good, some of the special effects are fine. Matthew McConaughey as the Man in Black was fine he didn't deliver a great performance, but I didn't hate him in this film.    The things I didn't like were like I mentioned before this movie takes parts from several of the books and puts them into a short movie it's only 90 minutes and it feels very rushed. I fell this would have worked better as a TV series. There is a lot that they go over and the exposition scenes go by quickly. When the film ended I realized didn't learn that much about this world. It does feel like you do need to know a lot about the books which is something a movie should never do, it should be able it stand on its own. It did make me interested in reading the books so I guess that's a good thing.  2 out of 5 stars for The Dark Tower. I hope you enjoyed my review.

Sunday, August 20, 2017


The Book of Henry is directed by Colin Trevorrow and stars Naomi Watts, Jaeden Lieberher, Jacob Tremblay, Sarah Silverman, Lee Pace, Maddie Ziegler, and Dean Norris. The plot of the movie is with instructions from her genius son's carefully crafted notebook, a single mother sets out to rescue a young girl from the hands of her abusive stepfather.     Usually, with new releases, I try not to spoil things that happen, but I have to go into detail with this because there is so much idiotic shit in this movie. So SPOILER WARNING if you have any interest in seeing this.  The only good thing about this movie are the performances. The main character Susan played by Naomi Watts is completely useless. She relies on her son Henry for everything, but he dies halfway through because apparently, he had a brain tumor, but he somehow made this prerecorded thing for her.  When I first saw the trailer for this movie I thought it could be good, but this movie is a complete mess and filled with so many plot holes.  When Henry dies his mom reads the notebook that he has and one of the pages says to check the safe. So she opens the safe and there is a tape recorder and she listens to it and he says "mom if your listening to this I'm already gone. I thought OK how did you record that.     Apparently this 11 year old boy with terminal brain cancer unhooked himself from his hospital bed, was able to get out of the room with his mom in there, made it out of the hospital, walked back home and recorded this detailed plan for his mom to kill the abusive stepfather and then walked back to the hospital, got passed every single person, got back to his hospital room and rehooked himself up to the equipment. I am not making this shit up that's what the movie says happened. Later on, in the movie he unhooks himself from it again and the machine starts beeping like crazy and the mom wakes up and a doctor runs in. So I guess this hospital machine decided not to beep the first time.    This kid narrated this whole plan so perfectly because the mom is a complete dumb ass throughout the entire movie. There is a scene where she has to get money to buy a sniper rifle because apparently, the best thing to do in this situation is to shoot the guy. She goes to an ATM and she gets $500 because that's the max deposit, but the gun is $1,100.  On the recording Henry says "There is another ATM on the right" she turns left and I am not joking the recording says"your other right".  You mean to tell me that he knew she would turn left instead of right and just had that prerecorded. What if she turned right and then heard "your other right" it would have screwed up the whole plan.    There is also this subplot where after Henry dies the younger son has to try to keep her from eating dessert all day every day and 10 to 15 minutes of the movie is devoted to this.  The actual plot of stopping the abusive stepfather doesn't kick in until 1 hour and 10 minutes into a 1 hour and 45 minute movie with credits  The characters in this movie are so dumb Henry is supposed to be a genius, but rather than doing the smart thing which would be to use your phone record the abuse than show it to the police he comes up with a plan to kill the guy. I haven't even gotten to the best part at some point the mom forges adoption papers and in the end, the stepfather kills himself and she gets to adopt the girl.    This movie has no idea what it wants to be the first 30 minutes it's a family movie then Henry has his seizure and it turns into some sappy sad movie than it goes back to being a fun family movie for about 15 minutes and then finally it's this crazy thriller.    If you want to just have a good time with a group of friends see this movie. In fact, watch this movie and then Wish Upon you will have a blast.  0 out of 5 stars for The Book of Henry.

Friday, August 4, 2017


The Emoji Movie is directed by Tony Leondis and stars T. J. Miller, James Corden, Anna Faris, Christina Aguilera, and Patrick Stewart. The plot of the movie is Gene, a multi-expressional emoji, sets out on a journey to become a normal emoji.    I saw this movie because I thought that there could be some good stuff in it and no there isn't it's just as horrible as everyone says it is.  As soon as Gene says that emojis are the most important form of communication I knew I was in for a truly awful movie.  All the characters live inside Alex's phone and Alex is trying to decide which emoji to send to this girl that he has a crush on. I don't understand why he is having trouble he obviously talked to her enough to get her number now your going to be nervous about sending an emoji it's stupid. The people who wrote this felt that was an impotent plot point so we cut back to that a lot.    The most soul-crushing thing about this movie is that Patrick Stewart voices the poop emoji, but wait it gets worse. There is a scene where Patrick Stewart's character and his son come out of the same stall in the bathroom and they leave the bathroom chanting we're number 2. I refuse to believe adults wrote this. All of the humor is lazy.  Going back to that scene what the hell kind of parent goes into the same stall with their kid it's fucking gross.  So Gene goes on the run because he is going to be deleted and along the way, he meets Jailbreak who is voiced by Anna Faris and Hi-5 voiced by James Cordon.    The movie is also filled with product placement they go into all the different apps I guess we know how this crap was financed.  Eventually, Alex decides to take his phone in and get everything deleted because his phone is acting wired. I was hoping this would finally be the end of the emoji's and they would all die, but no, in the end, he changes his mind and the fucking emoji get to live, It's very disappointing.    This movie did teach my two very impotent things though. One the head of SONY Pictures is the devil and two humanity needs to be punished for making emoji's this popular. The only good thing was it wasn't as bad as Transformers: The Last Knight.  0 out of 5 stars for The Emoji Movie. I hope you enjoyed my review.

Thursday, August 3, 2017


Atomic Blonde is directed by David Leitch and star Charlize Theron, James McAvoy, John Goodman, and Sofia Boutella. The plot of the movie is an undercover MI6 agent is sent to Berlin during the Cold War to investigate the murder of a fellow agent and recover a missing list of double agents. This is a beautifully shot movie it looks amazing. Charlize Theron is excellent in this role. James McAvoy is entertaining as always I have yet to see a bad performance from him. When the action scenes are taking place it is a lot of fun.    From a storytelling perspective this movie is disappointing they chose to at the beginning have Charlize Theron's character sit down and tell a story to two people so you know she survives the film. It took a lot of tension out of the movie. The movie also keeps cutting back to her in this interrogation room and those scenes weren't that interesting.  The main character of this movie is so awesome that I was interested in learning more about her and by the time the film was over I realized I hadn't so it made it hard for me to give a shit about what she was doing or why she was doing it.    Aside from some good performances and action I really did not like this movie.  1 out of 5 stars for Atomic Blonde. I hope you enjoyed my review.